


Water's Sweet

by ShowMeAHero



Series: Lightning in a Bottle [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Babies, Babysitting, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Making Up, Past Abuse, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-09 16:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15271074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShowMeAHero/pseuds/ShowMeAHero
Summary: Sometimes, children need to be babysat. Taako has a hard time letting go.





	1. Blood is Thicker [Angus]

**Author's Note:**

> Lauryn requested seeing Angus babysit his little siblings and also just seeing Angus as a big brother, then humbly requested that we also see everyone _else_ babysitting, as well.
> 
> The title was taken from ["Hey Brother"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxIiPLVR6NA) by Avicii. My alternative title for this was _Adventures in Babysitting,_ but that was just too obvious.

“I don’t know about this,” Taako says, standing in the middle of the kitchen, unmoving. Kravitz, Barry, and Lup have already left for the day; Taako was in the middle of making lunch for everyone when he stopped to watch Angus in the living room, where he was sitting on the floor next to the babies.

“He’s going to be fine, Taako,” Magnus says. He glides by and slaps Taako on the ass, and Taako yelps. “Are you almost ready? We gotta go soon.”

“You’re only going to be gone for a couple of hours,” Angus reminds him, without lifting his head. He picks up his bookmark and slides it between the pages. He glances up at Taako. “I can handle it, sir.”

Taako looks hard at him, then turns to Magnus. “I can’t leave my babies alone.”

“They’re not alone, they’ve got Ango,” Magnus points out, waving in Angus’ direction. Taako stares at him, then Magnus says, “Ahh.”

“What?” Angus asks. Magnus turns to him.

“You’re his baby, too,” Magnus says. Taako slaps his arm and goes back to fixing the lunches, face coloring purple as he flushes. Angus looks down at his book, feeling his own face get red. “Aw, Ango, you know you’re my squirt.”

“I’m the world’s  _ greatest detective,”  _ Angus says, and Magnus jogs over and scoops Angus up, swinging him up onto a shoulder as Magnus shrieks.

“And you’re my boy,” Magnus tells him. “And you’re Taako’s  _ baby.” _

“Shut the hell up, you behemoth,” Taako says. He motions Magnus over, and Magnus goes, bringing Angus with him. “Look, Agnes, this is your lunch here, it’s roast beef on whole grain, and I put carrot sticks with it, and a couple of fantasy Oreos, okay?”

“Okay,” Angus says, from his place on Magnus’ shoulders.

“This is for the kids,” Taako tells him, pointing at a different fantasy Tupperware container. “It’s peas, and bananas, and some cereal, okay?”

“Got it,” Angus tells him. Taako picks up the other two lunches he made for himself and Magnus and shoves them into Magnus’ knapsack, then looks up at Angus, sighing heavily.

“This is fucking stupid,” Taako says. “You’re, what, thirty? You can do this.”

“Sir, I’m—”

“Shh, Ango,” Magnus shushes him. “Let him work it all out.”

“You, shut up,” Taako tells Magnus. He leaves them in the kitchen to crouch on the floor next to the babies. Wyatt shrieks as soon as he sees him, babbling  _ Dadadadadada  _ and reaching for him. Taako scoops him up and into his lap, squeezing him tight. Blaine just stares at him from where she’s standing, holding herself up against the coffee table. Jules is actively trying to fit herself under the sofa; Taako drags her out by an ankle. Angus watches it all from Magnus’ shoulder.

“You’re gonna be good, right?” Taako asks. “Because if you’re not, I’ll sell you. You won’t like that, will you?”

“Dadadada,” Wyatt repeats, firmly. Taako buries his face in his son’s hair.

“I’m not going,” he says. He looks up at Magnus. “You hear me? I’m  _ not going.” _

“Alright,” Magnus sighs, putting Angus down and hefting up his knapsack. Taako watches him warily.

“Really?” Taako asks. “That’s okay?”

“Nope,” Magnus says. He comes over, lifts Wyatt out of Taako’s lap, hands the baby to Angus, then hoists Taako up and over his shoulder. “It means,  _ alright, here we go.” _

“You’re a beast,” Taako says into his back. He lifts his head. “Ango, if you need me, you have your Stone of Far Speech, right?”

“Yes, sir, I do,” Angus tells him, as Wyatt reaches up and pulls on his glasses. Taako stretches to reach for them, but Magnus yanks him away. Taako sighs dramatically.

“Don’t forget to eat your lunch,” Taako says. “And call me if you need me. And, you know what, maybe I should—”

“Nope,” Magnus says. “Nope, nope, nope, we’re going right now, say your goodbyes.”

“Bye!” Taako calls. Angus waves at him, and Wyatt shrieks, stretching for Taako, nearly falling out of Angus’ grip. Taako tries to wriggle free of Magnus’ grip, but Magnus sprints for the door. “Fuck you, Burnsides, we are  _ never—” _

“Bye, Ango!” Magnus calls over his shoulder, then the door slams shut behind them, and Angus is left standing with Wyatt sobbing in his arms. He puts the baby down in front of a framed fantasy photograph of Taako and Lup and goes to pull Jules out from under the sofa again.

“Wanna go outside?” Angus asks them, even though their vocabulary is pretty much limited to random sounds and screaming. Blaine grins up at him. “That’s a yes. Thank you very much for participating, Blaine.”

“Mm!” Blaine hums. She likes hearing her own name.

“Excellent,” Angus says. He grabs Taako’s picnic basket and puts the lunches into it, then loads the three babies into his wagon and brings them outside. He takes them to the grassy part of Taako’s garden, lays out their picnic blanket, unloads them on it, and unpacks their food.

“Now, Taako says you have to eat the whole thing,” Angus says, opening the lids on the food. Blaine already has her mouth open, so he starts feeding her first while Wyatt tearfully buries his face in the picnic blanket and Jules starts digging through clumps of soil. He leans over and sticks his face into Wyatt’s. “Hey. Wanna see something neat?”

Wyatt stares up at him. Angus digs into his pocket and pulls out his magnifying glass.

“This is a magnifying glass,” Angus tells him. Wyatt sits up a little straighter and looks down at the thing curiously, eyes still a little teary. “You can use it to look at things closely. You could be a detective, too, like I am. I could train you.”

Wyatt takes the magnifying glass from his hand and sticks it into his mouth, chewing on it. Angus just watches him do it, then says,

“Okay, that’s— that’s fine, because you’re still learning what it is, so that’s okay.” Angus feeds Blaine another spoonful of peas, and she shrieks with delight. “I can teach you, too. If you’d like. You can’t start too early on becoming a good detective. For example, I—”

“Annnnnn,” Blaine drags. Angus stops and looks at her.

“Did—” Angus says, then stops. “Did you say my name?”

Blaine smiles at him and reaches for his spoon. He scoops up more peas and gives them to her.

“Well, see, I’m your big brother,” Angus says. “That’s what Magnus always says, and I feel like it, so I’d say that’s enough evidence to count. So it’s my job to teach you things. And show you things in the world. Like the magnifying glass,” he says, pointing to Wyatt, who’s still chewing on the magnifying glass, but watching Angus with bright, wide eyes. Jules even stopped digging in the dirt, sitting with handfuls of soil, staring at Angus. “I’m supposed to show you stuff like that, because there’s a whole big world to explore, and you’re still very small, and so that means you can’t go very far. But I can go a little farther, and I’ve seen some more things, I think, and I can tell you all about those things, because that’s my job. Because I’m your big brother, like I said, and I’ll tell you things, and take care of you. Okay?”

“Annn,” Blaine says again. Angus smiles at her, then touches her nose. She has a lot of freckles across her face, just like Jules does.

“Neat,” Angus says. “Now, if you eat your peas, Taako won’t lose his shit when he gets back, so keep going— There you go. Good work, thank you very much, I appreciate your cooperation.”

“Mmmmmm,” Blaine hums in agreement. He finishes feeding her easily enough, then moves on to Jules, who fights him a little and mostly eats the bananas and cereal. Wyatt’s the real problem child, as he always is, but Angus manages to get him to eat all of his cereal, and it’s the little things. Jules climbs into Angus’ lap halfway through his feeding her brother and yawns.

“Are you tired?” Angus asks. “Well, that makes sense, because usually you take naps after you eat lunch, usually about twenty minutes after. I know, because I’m the world’s greatest detective, and I see you do it, most days— Oh, okay,” he says, because Jules has started shoving her hand into his mouth. “How about— Okay, how about I read from my book to you? Is that okay? Well— Yes, I know it’s okay, because Kravitz reads to you every night, and you always enjoy that and fall asleep right away, so I will give that a try.”

Angus pulls out the Caleb Cleveland novel he put in the picnic basket and lines the three babies up on the blanket. They all immediately drag themselves to him and climb into his lap, crowding around the book. Angus holds the book above their heads and starts reading the novel from the beginning. It’s the first one in the series, because he figured he’d start from the beginning, so they wouldn’t be lost on the story. He sits there and reads, and reads, even after they’ve fallen asleep, because he’s also gotten back into the story and just wants to keep reading.

* * *

“How long have they been out there?” Magnus asks Kravitz. Taako’s sitting in the windowsill seat, face nearly pressed against the glass as he watches Angus read to the babies in the garden.

“Since I got home, at least,” Kravitz says. “He just keeps reading.”

“Aw, Ango,” Magnus says. “Look at him. I’m so proud of him, everyone’s still alive, he looks like he ate most of his lunch. He didn’t even burn the place down.”

“You’re more likely to burn the place down than he is, Mags,” Taako comments. He opens the window up slowly, trying not to make any noise, then leans back against Kravitz’s chest, watching Angus.

“Still,” Magnus says. “It’s the spirit of the thing.”

“He did do a good job,” Kravitz says. “Even if he didn’t take my schedule off the fridge to use.”

“Nobody uses your schedule, Krav, baby, I’m so sorry to have to be that one to drop that bombshell,” Taako says. Kravitz looks to Magnus, looking surprised.

“That… can’t come as a real shock,” Magnus says. Kravitz frowns.

“Nobody uses my schedule?” Kravitz asks. Taako shushes him.

“Shh, nerd, we’ll talk about your organization boner later, Ango’s saying something,” Taako says. Kravitz leans over and Magnus basically shoves them out of the way to put his elbows in between them on the window seat and put his chin in his hands.

“—I know it’s hard sometimes, because you really like Taako, and you miss him a lot,” Angus is saying to Wyatt, who was making little sniffly sounds in Angus’ lap. “But I think you’re doing really well, and I can help you, because things  _ are  _ really hard sometimes and I can help you get through them, because I’m your big brother—”

_ “Awwww,” _ Magnus says. Taako shushes him, waving a hand in his face.

“—and that’s what I do, and sometimes Dad— Uhh, Taako— won’t be there, and then I can help you,” Angus keeps saying. Taako doesn’t hear the rest of it, because he has his face buried in his hands.

“How’s that feel,  _ Dad?”  _ Magnus asks. Taako reaches out to smack Magnus’ chest.

“That’s really nice,” Kravitz says. Taako glares up at him. “Really. Good work, Dad.”

“Both of you,  _ shut up.”  _ Taako leans out the window and shouts, voice cracking halfway through, “Angus, bubbeleh, come inside, it’s getting late!”

“Okay!” Angus calls back. He starts loading the babies back up into the wagon, and Taako ducks back inside.

“Hey, you crying?” Magnus asks. “Because it’s cool if you are, since you’re his  _ dad and all.” _

“I’m going to kill you so hard, even Krav won’t be able to save you,” Taako threatens him. He heads for the kitchen, gets a head of lettuce out of the fridge, and slams a knife into the middle of it, splitting it in half across the counter. Lup sticks her head in.

“Did someone fall?” she asks, then she sees Taako. “Hey, what’re you crying about?”

“Nothing, I’m not, shut up,” Taako snaps. Lup whistles low. Magnus opens the front door to let Angus and his little wagon and picnic basket in.

“Taako’s feeling an emotion,” Magnus says. Lup gasps theatrically.

“How  _ dare they,”  _ Lup says. “An  _ emotion?  _ Touch  _ our boy?  _ In  _ what  _ world—”

“You guys keep laughing it up over there, I’m going to fucking kill you all,” Taako threatens, turning around with the knife. Angus stops in the doorway.

“Did I interrupt something, sir?” Angus asks.

“Don’t you mean  _ Dad?” _ Magnus asks. Kravitz elbows him, and Angus’ face goes beet red. Taako whirls back around to the lettuce.

“Ango, pumpkin, can you come help me make the salad for tonight?” Taako asks, down at the counter. He can hear Kravitz taking the wagon from him, then Angus is at his side, looking up at him.

“What can I do to help, sir?” Angus asks. Taako glances over his shoulder, and everyone looks away at once, pretending they’d never been looking at them in the first place. As soon as they’re looking away, Taako ducks down and squeezes Angus into a hug, kissing him on the forehead.

“You’re doing great, bubbeleh,” Taako whispers. He stands back up, then brandishes the knife again. “You tell anyone about that, I’ll lock you in your room. You’ll be like fantasy Harry Potter.”

“Oh, no, I— I don’t know the unlocking spell yet, sir,” Angus whispers back to him.

“Then you better not tell anyone about that,” Taako says. He starts tearing the lettuce up. “Can you go pick me some tomatoes from the garden?”

“Sure,” Angus agrees, heading back towards the door. Taako turns to watch him, and sees him stop and lean down to the babies where Kravitz has put them on the sofa. He says something softly to them, then keeps going, back out the door.

“Did Angus call you  _ Dad?”  _ Lup asks, incredulous. She laughs. “I can’t fucking believe you’re the same guy who used to do shots with me until he passed out on a bridge.”

“Hey, I can still do that many shots,” Taako shoots back.

“Gods, not  _ now,  _ please,” Kravitz says, motioning in the general direction of Taako’s abdomen. “Just— Wait a little, please.”

“What, can you not drink while you’re pregnant?” Magnus asks. Taako turns to look at him, one eyebrow raised.

“How the fuck did you not know that already?” Taako asks. Magnus shrugs.

“I don’t know, I just thought you weren’t drinking because Kravitz didn’t put it on the schedule!” Magnus exclaims. Taako motions to Kravitz with a handful of shredded lettuce.

_ “When  _ have we ever done anything because Krav put it on the schedule?” Taako asks. Kravitz frowns.

“I don’t know when you guys started hating my schedules,” Kravitz says.

“I love your schedules,” Lup murmurs to him.

“Really?” he asks.

“No, not at all,” she replies. “Just thought you’d feel better if I said it, but I have a hard time lying twice in a row.”

“I’m not making schedules for you  _ anymore,”  _ Kravitz says.

“That’ll be the day,” Taako comments. Kravitz throws his hands up.

“No, I like when they’re laminated, they’re really shiny,” Magnus complains. “You do a good job, Krav, ignore them, I like your schedules.”

“Really?” Kravitz asks again. Angus reappears in the doorway with his arms full of tomatoes. Taako motions him over.

“Saved by the bell,” Taako exclaims.

“I could hear you arguing outside, sirs, and I just want you to know that you’re setting a bad example for my little siblings,” Angus says. Taako groans loudly and slams his head into the counter.

“I’m the only sane one in this house,” he says into the countertop. Angus pats him on the back.

“Now, you know that’s horseshit, sir,” Angus says, in a comforting tone, and Magnus laugh-snorts so hard he starts coughing, slamming his hand into the back of the sofa.


	2. God is a Woman [Barry]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Lup hatch a plan. Barry is clueless. Lup has a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I will be adding more chapters to this! If you wanna see more _babysitting drabbles_ in this universe, subscribe to this story!

“Hey, Barold,” Taako calls from down the hall. It’s always a crapshoot what you’ll find if you go into a room that Taako is calling you into, but Barry lives for life’s little surprises, so he goes without asking what Taako wants.

“What’s up?” he asks, once he gets to the room Taako’s voice is coming from — Kravitz’s room, as it turns out, which has become Kravitz’s study. Taako is sitting on the floor, getting his hair braided by Kravitz.

“I need some help today, if you don’t mind,” Taako says. “I’m going into the school for a surprise lecture but, silly me, I realized nobody’s here to watch my kids. Can you?”

“Uhh—” Barry says, then stops. “I told Lup we’d—”

“Sounds good,” Lup says, appearing behind Barry and nearly making him jump out of his skin. She smiled at him. “They can tag along on our lunch date, no biggie.”

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t wanna be a burden,” Taako says, and when Barry looks back to him, he’s grinning so wide it looks like his face is gonna break. Barry’s known the twins for a very, very long time, so he knows what it looks like when they’re conspiring to do something, and so he doesn’t ask what, exactly, they’re conspiring to do, because he knows better.

“Oh, no, no trouble at all,” Lup says. She jerks her thumb backwards. “Wanna grab ‘em, bring ‘em to the beach with us? We can throw them in the waves, teach them how to swim.”

“Don’t throw my children into the waves,” Kravitz says, without looking up from Taako’s hair.

“He means _please_ throw my children into the waves,” Lup shouts over her shoulder as she runs down the hall.

“I’ll make sure they don’t drown,” Barry says. Kravitz glances up at him.

“Please,” he deadpans. “It’s all I ask of a babysitter.”

Barry leaves, and he hears the sound of whispering, so he stops, and he hears Taako saying, “You could at least  _ act  _ happy for them.”

“I  _ am  _ happy for them,” Kravitz hisses back. “But he doesn’t  _ know  _ yet.”

Taako laughs, a sound that’s half-cackle, half-ringing bells. Barry leaves them there, brow furrowed, and finds Lup in the nursery, sliding a bathing suit onto Wyatt.

“What secret are you two keeping from me?” Barry asks. Lup doesn’t even look at him, too busy trying to wrangle Wyatt’s legs into the leg holes of the suit.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lup says. She holds Wyatt up. Wyatt screams in Barry’s face. “Take him, please.”

Barry takes him and holds him while Lup dresses Blaine and Jules. “You really don’t know?”

“Nope,” Lup says. She stands up, one kid on each hip. “Beach time. Let’s roll, babe.”

“If you say so,” Barry says. When they get back into the hallway, Taako and Kravitz are gone, and the house seems empty. Lup steals Angus’ little wagon and loads the triplets into it, and Barry just follows after her as she leads them all down the hill to the beach below the city. Blaine immediately begins shrieking and reaching for the water.

“I’ll take her,” Barry offers. Lup smiles at him, and she’s  _ so  _ fucking pretty. Barry watches her picking up Jules and he’s just struck, as he sometimes is, by how much he wants that for  _ them,  _ too. They’ve talked about it, a few times. Barry learned a long time ago that Taako’s first forays into transmutation magic were on Lup’s behalf, that Taako considered his greatest achievement to be when he finally gave Lup the body she wanted. So, yeah, they’ve talked about it, but never actually  _ done  _ it, obviously.

Looking at her now, as she’s holding a baby that already kind of looks like her through her brother, he thinks,  _ God, I want my baby to look like her. _

Instead, what he says is, “See you at the water.”

Lup grins and waves, and Barry takes Blaine down to the water and lets her stand in the tiniest lapping waves. She laughs, and shrieks, and kicks at the water, and picks up handfuls of muddy sand in her chubby little fists. Barry takes her out deeper into the water and lets the waves splash up against them, and Blaine grabs at his glasses and laughs and laughs and  _ laughs,  _ until Barry’s laughing, too. When he turns back, Lup’s sitting in the sand, building a sandcastle with Jules while Wyatt sits in her lap and watches. She waves at him. He waves back. He’s a very, very happy man.

Lup eventually waves him back over, and he jogs in, Blaine shrieking with delight and saying “Bar, Bar, Bar,” over and over again. Barry brings her over to the others and sits down next to Lup in the sand. Blaine picks up fistfuls of sand and places them into Wyatt’s lap. Wyatt shoves at her face. Lup gently separates them. Barry looks over his shoulder, up the hill, up into the new Raven’s Roost, at their house. He frowns, then turns back to the sand.

“What did Taako say he had to do today, again?” Barry asks. Lup shrugs.

“Something with the school, I think,” she says. Barry hums to himself. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason,” Barry says. “Just, uhh, he’s watching us. From our house.”

Lup’s head snaps around to look up over her shoulder. Taako vanishes instantly, ducking behind a shape that strongly resembles Kravitz. Lup sighs, then turns back to the sandcastle.

“Why’re we babysitting, Lup?” Barry asks. “For real. What’s up?”

“No reason in particular,” Lup says. She smiles, and it’s as wide and happy as Taako’s was earlier. “I just thought it would be good practice.”

“Good practice for wh—” Barry starts to ask, but Lup looks up at him, and she’s got that big old stupid grin on her face, and Barry looks down at Wyatt in her lap. “No shit.”

“Yes shit,” Lup says. Barry leans over and drags her across the sand to him, and she shrieks with laughter, letting him tuck her into his side and kiss her face, anywhere he can reach, as Wyatt shoves at them from being displaced so abruptly. Lup sets him in the sand and tackles Barry to the ground, pinning him by sitting on his hips, holding his wrists to the sand above his head.

“Pretty much this got us into this,” Barry comments. Lup snorts.

“You’re such a dingus,” Lup says. She leans down and kisses him, over and over again. When she releases his hands, he grabs her, clutching her close. Eventually, she lets up, and Barry traces his hand down over her light blue abdomen, between the two pieces of her bathing suit. “You can’t see anything yet, I already—”

“How far along?” Barry asks. “When did— Well, what time—”

“Who can say  _ what time,  _ you stud,” Lup jokes, and Barry feels his face flush. “Taako and I think it’s about eight weeks, maybe. That’s what Merle’s guessing, too.”

Barry stares at her. She grins.

“Same as Taako,” Barry says. Lup laughs and claps her hands together.

“Can you fucking believe it,” she says, and he smiles, because she’s so obviously delighted. “We get to do it together.”

“I’m so happy,” Barry says. “Really, I— I am. I always— wanted this. This is amazing.”

Lup smiles at him, a joyful, genuine thing. and he loves her  _ so fucking much,  _ he has to kiss her again.

“Hey!” Taako calls, from up on their deck. “Didja tell him?”

“Hell yeah!” Lup calls back. Taako Blinks out of existence, then appears in between them.

“I’m so fucking excited,” Taako says. He yanks Lup in tight. “We’re having twin cousins.”

“I don’t—”

_ “Twin cousins,”  _ Taako interrupts Barry, firmly. He kisses Lup’s temple, then releases her to hug Barry. When Barry looks over his shoulder, he can see Magnus barreling down the hill, Angus on his back. Kravitz rips open into the space beside them, and Magnus nearly collides with him. Jules shrieks at the sight of their arrival.

“If you don’t name this kid after me, no offense, but I’ll lose my shit,” Taako says. Lup motions to Taako’s children.

“And all your lovely children named Lup back up that argument,” Lup says. Taako shoves her into the sand.

“Hey, we should get married,” Barry says. Lup looks at him, and she so rarely looks genuinely surprised, but in that moment, she absolutely does.

“What?” Lup asks.

“Yeah, what?” Taako echoes. Barry glances at him, then back to Lup.

“I’ll make— I’ll do a good proposal for you,” Barry says. “Really. But I— We should get married.”

“Because of the kid?” Lup asks. Barry frowns.

“No, because I love you so fucking much and I’ll go absolutely insane if we’re ever apart again and I don’t  _ ever _ wanna be apart again,” Barry says. Lup stares hard at him. Barry can hear Magnus crying behind him, and Taako gets up, getting out of their way.

“Okay,” Lup says. “You gotta give me a good proposal, though, because this one  _ sucks.” _

“Yeah, it kinda sucks,” Barry agrees. He tugs her back in again and kisses the top of her head, then her forehead, then her lips, over and over. The worst years of his life were the ones he spent separated from her. He  _ never  _ wants that to happen again.

“Hey, Ango, you’re getting a cousin,” Taako says. Lup sits up and opens her arms again, and Taako dives into them, pinning her to the sand and laying there with her, hugging her tightly as she laughs and cries. Lup reaches up and pulls Barry down with them, and Magnus dives in before Barry can even shift comfortably. Lup just keeps laughing, and Barry tucks his face into her neck and just can’t stop fucking smiling.


	3. Make a Move [Lucretia]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus wants to clear the air. Taako says a lot of things he's been bottling up. Lucretia tries to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I have a lot of emotions about this. Who knew!

One day, Magnus suggests that  _ maybe  _ they let Lucretia come over and  _ maybe  _ they let her visit with the kids, and  _ maybe  _ that visit should be babysitting,  _ maybe  _ she should take some time to bond with their children. Taako glares at him, because it’s easier to be angry than to be afraid, and he feels like ice water has been injected in his veins at the concept of leaving his children alone with Lucretia.

“I don’t think so,” Taako says. Magnus doesn’t push him, just goes quiet and keeps on whittling the letter blocks he’s been working on. They don’t say anything for a little bit, and, fucking Magnus, he knows Taako can’t shut the hell up at the best of times. “She— Hell, no way,  _ hell no,  _ she’s the one who fucked up my whole life in the first place, I can’t fucking trust her.”

“What do you mean?” Magnus asks. He doesn’t ask about Lucretia; they don’t talk about it. Taako knows Magnus forgave Lucretia, but it’s easy for him to do it, since his life was fucking perfect after Lucretia took their memories. Taako’s the one who got the short end of the stick, who got his brain smashed to pieces, basically, got dumped in the middle of the woods. Lucretia might try to justify it, might say shit like  _ You had an audience,  _ might say  _ You’re admired, you’re recognized, you’re loved,  _ but an audience isn’t a family, and Taako was left  _ alone. _

“About what?” Taako asks back. It’s late. Kravitz has been away for a couple of days on a job. Lup and Barry already went to bed, and Angus and the kids are asleep, and it’s just been Taako and Magnus in the living room, Magnus in his armchair, Taako sprawled on the sofa, letting the fire crackle. Taako hadn’t been thinking about much, happy just to chill out for a second, but apparently Magnus wants to  _ talk  _ about shit.

“I mean, fucking up your whole life,” Magnus says. “I’m not saying I disagree, I mean, you feel how you feel and if she fucked it, she fucked it. But I want you to tell me about it.”

Taako doesn’t look at him. He’s still laying on his back, one foot on the floor, the other on the sofa. He keeps staring up at the ceiling, at the firelight flickering across it.

“I don’t know,” Taako says, and Magnus doesn’t say anything. “I just mean— Well, Merle got a home, and a family, and a whole fucking little dwarf-ass community. You got— You got Raven’s Roost, and you got your whole family, too. You got to—” Taako stops. Magnus’ hands aren’t moving anymore, stilled with a block of wood in one and a knife in the other.

“What?” Magnus asks. Taako keeps his eyes up.

“You got to get married,” Taako says. He resolutely does not look at Magnus. “I mean— She gave you Julia. She replaced—” Taako stops himself again, falls silent. Neither of them moves. “I didn’t mean—”

“I know,” Magnus says. They don’t talk, for a second. Taako has a lot of words in his mouth, pressing up against his teeth, his lips. His head is  _ filled  _ with words, with things he wants to say, doesn’t want to say, should say, shouldn’t say. He doesn’t resent Julia, or Magnus for having her. He doesn’t resent the life Magnus had in between their two lives. What he  _ does  _ resent is Lucretia, how she took Magnus away from him and gave him a happy life, gave him more than Taako ever could have given him, and stuck Taako in a hellhole to die alone in.

Taako doesn’t know how to say any of that, so he doesn’t. He sits silently. Magnus does, too.

“I can’t trust her,” Taako finally says. Silence isn’t his friend. “I just— I don’t know. I don’t know, Magnus. You spend a hundred years with someone, you expect they know everything about you.” He doesn’t think it’s an unrealistic expectation for him to think Lucretia knew everything about him, because he knew everything about  _ her.  _ At least, he thought he had, except for that one big fucking secret. He hadn’t kept  _ any  _ secrets from her.  _ Nothing.  _ And she still fucking betrayed him.

Anyways.

“Yeah?” Magnus says, prodding him on. Taako turns his head, looks at the fabric of the couch instead.

“I don’t love being alone,” Taako tells him. Magnus probably already knows that. Even if Taako’s never said it in so many words, Magnus seems like he knows everything about him already anyways. “In fact, it’s probably my worst fucking fear, actually. So she should’ve fucking known that, but she still left me alone. So. That’s that on that.”

“She thought you’d want an audience,” Magnus says. Taako laughs, but it’s not funny.

“I’d rather have a family,” Taako says, and that’s all, an honest truth, not something he gives up often anymore. “Fucking dumped me alone with a stagecoach in the middle of the woods, entirely by myself, with gaps in my memory so fucking huge I couldn’t even think straight. Took Lup, took you, took fucking everything from me. And then Saz—” Taako stops. He doesn’t talk about Sazed, either. Sometimes it’s just easier not to talk about things.

“Maybe you should talk to  _ her _ about this,” Magnus says, after a long, long while. Taako’s first response is visceral, a resounding  _ no,  _ there’s no way in  _ hell  _ he’s gonna do that. “I think it’d be good for you to tell her. Maybe if you just get it out of you, you can move on, or something.”

Taako finally turns his head, finally looks at Magnus. Magnus is looking back at him like he has been for a little while. He sets his knife and block aside, gets up and comes over to Taako. He lifts Taako’s head and sits down, settles Taako’s head in his lap. He unties the leather in Taako’s hair and unravels his braid, runs his fingers through his hair and starts rebraiding it, slowly, taking time to make it tight.

“You don’t have to,” Magnus says. “Really. I just think it’d be good for you, and I— I don’t know. I just want you to be happy.”

“I  _ am  _ happy,” Taako tells him.

“Happier,” Magnus amends. “I miss her. I know you do, too.”

“You don’t know what I feel,” Taako snaps. Magnus, to his credit, doesn’t get mad at the bite in his tone.

“You’re right,” Magnus says. “I don’t. Do you want to maybe talk about it?”

Taako turns onto his side, presses his face into Magnus’ stomach, hiding, just a little bit. He sighs.

“No,” Taako says. Magnus doesn’t push. They sit for a bit. “Lucretia left me alone without anything or anybody, left me alone for fucking years,  _ years  _ where nobody loved me or even fucking knew me and I got fucking— I just got beat on every day, and my fucking boyfriend tried to murder me, and instead he made me think I murdered a whole town, so I was just guilty and— and alone, so that’s a whole fucking thing. Just years with my fucking— swiss cheese brain, stupid as shit, stumbling through the woods, waiting for someone to kill me.” Taako stops, breathes. Magnus is quiet. “What kind of a life is that, Magnus? She took everything from me. I’d rather’ve died, honestly.”

“Taako,” Magnus says. Taako shakes his head, face still pressed against Magnus.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking glad I didn’t, but what the  _ fuck,”  _ Taako says. “She gave you  _ everything  _ I couldn’t. She gave you a normal fucking life and she gave you Julia and she—” Taako shuts his eyes. “And she ruined my life. I don’t fucking trust her and I’m not going to forgive her for what she did to me.”

“You’re more than enough,” Magnus says. Taako huffs a laugh. Of  _ course  _ that’s what he’d pull out of the whole thing, of  _ course  _ he’d focus on what  _ he  _ could fix, what  _ he  _ thinks  _ he _ did wrong. “No, really. You don’t think I’m upset I lost you, too?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Taako says. “Baby, that’s a whole different kettle of fish, that’s not what I’m thinking about here. I’m more thinking about the after part.”

Magnus keeps braiding his hair, big hands steady as he works, years of experience making him an expert at this. Eventually, he says, “I really think you should talk to her about this. I think it would make you feel better and then maybe you two could work something out, move on from this whole thing.”

Taako doesn’t say anything.

Magnus continues, “I love her. I know you love her. She’s our sister.”

“She _ took _ my sister,” Taako spits. Magnus keeps braiding his hair.

“She’s our sister,” Magnus says again. Taako doesn’t say anything this time. “Talk to her. Just try it, what’s it hurt to try? Invite her over and say you want her help watching the kids.”

“She’ll see through that,” Taako says. “She’s not fucking stupid, Mags.”

“I know,” Magnus replies. “But wouldn’t you rather have an excuse?”

Magnus  _ knows  _ him. Fucked up, inside and out. They sit in silence. Magnus finishes the braid, then ties it with the leather strap he’d pulled out before. They continue to sit in the silence. Taako’s mouth fills up with words again. He doesn’t say any of them.

“Fine,” Taako says, finally. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” Magnus says. Taako knows he probably wants to say more, but he doesn’t. They sit there for a while before Taako sighs heavily, gets up, grabs his Stone of Far Speech, and flops back down onto the couch with it. He tunes into the channel he knows Lucretia’s always on.

“Hey, Lucretia, you around or what?” Taako asks, and he hears a bit of shuffling. Then, her voice.

“Taako?” she asks.

“Who the fuck else,” Taako says. “You doing anything tomorrow?”

“N-No?” she replies.

“Cool, wanna come over and help me…” Taako glances up at Magnus. Magnus mouths  _ Watch the kids  _ at him. “…fucking babysit my own kids or whatever.”

“Um,” Lucretia says. There’s a pause. “O-Okay. Sure. Are you s—”

“Great, see you tomorrow morning,” Taako says, then turns off his Stone of Far Speech and tosses it in the air. Magnus catches it.

“Could’ve let her talk,” Magnus says. Taako scoffs, sits up again.

“She could’ve let me keep my memories,” Taako says. Magnus sighs. “Look, buddy, I know you’re all forgive-and-forget, but—”

“I’m not,” Magnus says. Taako looks over at him. “It’s just— easier. To forgive and forget. To tell her I forgive her so we can get back to normal. I’ve— Taako, I’m tired sometimes, you know? I’m tired of things being sad o— or weird, and it’s just easier and better for me to forgive her and let it go, because I don’t wanna waste anymore time than she already made me take.” Magnus looks back to him. “My life is what it is. If it wasn’t for what she did, I wouldn’t’ve had Julia. Guess I can’t be all that mad about that.”

Taako’s chest hurts. “Guess not.” He gets up. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Night, Mags.”

“Love you,” Magnus says. Taako reaches down, threads his fingers through Magnus’ hair, holds tight for a second before releasing him. He leaves, goes to their bedroom, sits in Kravitz’s armchair, and lets the smell of it envelop him for a while. He lets himself slip into a trance, wonders if he’ll spook Magnus when he finally comes in for bed, but he forces himself into semi-unconsciousness before he can consider it too deeply.

* * *

Taako realizes while he’s making breakfast that he didn’t give Lucretia a time to come over, and realizes immediately after  _ that  _ realization that, knowing Lucretia, she’ll probably be here as soon as she can justify arriving.

He’s right; she shows up just as Magnus is leaving for Hammer and Tails [A Dog’s School]. Magnus opens the door when she knocks. She smiles at him, and moves in to hug him; Taako looks back down at the dish he was furiously scrubbing.

“Have a good day,” Magnus calls over his shoulder. The door shuts behind him, and the room is silent. Wyatt, Jules, and Blaine are all sitting at their high chairs, but it’s almost like they can sense the energy in the room, because they’re all just quietly watching him. Jules is the first one to move, and she makes a cooing sound, reaching towards Lucretia with a sort of “Mmmm,” the sound she makes when she doesn’t know what sound  _ to  _ make.

“Jules, baby, be polite,” Taako says, nonsensically, because she’s a fucking baby. He puts the dish down in the sink, shuts off the water, and turns around to look at Lucretia. Lucretia looks right back at him. Jules whines, still stretching, even though she’s strapped down. Taako motions to her.

“She wants to see you,” Taako says. Magnus had talked him through this all through breakfast: let her get comfortable, let her interact with the kids, let her say her piece. All this horseshit about what he should  _ let  _ her do, but he’ll do it until he can’t, because Magnus asked him to, basically begged him with those sad eyes he made.

Lucretia moves hesitantly, gets closer to Taako, then stops at the table. She reaches in, unbuckles Jules’ straps, and lifts her up, and Jules makes her happy little laugh-sound, tugging on Lucretia’s earring.

“No, Jules,” Taako says. Lucretia reaches up and gently extracts the earring from Jules’ hand. Taako moves after a moment, takes Wyatt out of his high chair and sets him on the ground, then does the same with Blaine. Blaine heads towards the living room, probably looking for the blocks Magnus already gave her. Wyatt just clings to Taako’s pant leg, pulls himself up and stares at Lucretia silently.

“Say hi,” Taako says. It’s easier to talk to them than to Lucretia. Wyatt just stares at her, then looks to Taako.

“No,” Wyatt says. Taako reaches down and scoops him up, settles him on his hip.

“Okey doke,” Taako says, because he’s been all about not forcing them into interacting with people if they don’t want to, because he’s had enough of that in his own fucking life. He follows Blaine to the living room, and he can hear Lucretia hesitate before her footsteps are behind his, and when he sits down at one end of the sofa he fully expects her to sit down at the other, and she does. Jules squirms to get down, but Wyatt doesn’t, stays put in Taako’s lap. Taako holds him like a tiny human shield.

“Magnus wants me to talk to you,” Taako says, because he’s never been one to mince words and he’s certainly not going to fucking start now. “He said I should express my feelings or whatever. So we can move on.”

“Do you want that?” Lucretia asks. Taako sighs heavily, a dramatic sound, but he really  _ feels  _ it.

“To be fucking honest? No,” Taako says. “I really  _ don’t  _ want to move on. I want to be fucking pissed at you, because what you did was so  _ stupid.” _

“I know,” Lucretia says. Taako turns to look at her.

“Do you? Because I really fucking think you don’t,” Taako says. “Really. I  _ don’t  _ think you understand how stupid what you did was. If you had just— just talked to us, fucking  _ something, anything,  _ told us about this, we would’ve—”

“I did,” Lucretia says. Taako sets Wyatt down on the floor.

“Yeah,  _ once,”  _ Taako reminds her. “You told us about it  _ one  _ fucking time, then decided it would be better to do whatever you wanted without us, fucking wipe our memories so we couldn’t stop you. Right?”

“No, I— I couldn’t see you suffering,” Lucretia tells him. She looks desperate, and unfamiliar. He’s used to how she used to look; this whole  _ Madame Director  _ thing doesn’t feel like Lucretia, to him. Magnus says it’s who she’s become. Taako doesn’t know if that’s good or not. He used to think it was, back after Lucretia spent the year by herself, how strong she got, how independent, and brave, and powerful. Now, he wishes she’d still depended on them, like Taako depended on them. Maybe then she wouldn’t have done what she did.

“You couldn’t stand to see us suffering,” Taako echoes. He makes a half-scoffing sound, looking away. “We all did what we did. It had the consequences it had, but we still had fucking each  _ other,  _ Lucretia.”

“I know,” Lucretia says. “I missed you so much.”

“Fucking rich,” Taako says. “You’re the only one who knew anything.”

“Barry—”

“Don’t give me shit about Barry and Lup,” Taako says. “It wasn’t for a fucking lack of trying. It’s a fluke they made it out like they did.” Taako stares hard at the block in Blaine’s hand. She’s distracted, and Jules is sitting with her, but Wyatt’s not; he’s still between Taako’s legs, holding him up with fistfuls of the material of Taako’s pants in his little hands, staring at Lucretia.

“I’m sorry,” Lucretia says. “If you want to yell at me, you can. I just— You should get it out, like Magnus said.”

“Okay,” Taako agrees, because he’s already on the edge and it just takes that stupid soft understanding tone to push him over, the voice he  _ loved,  _ the voice of his  _ sister,  _ Jesus fucking fantasy  _ Christ,  _ he doesn’t understand how she could do this to him.

“You know what you did to me?” Taako says. “You fucking— You decided, entirely on your own, to take  _ everything  _ from me. You took my family—  _ You  _ were my family, the six of you, you were all I had in this entire fucking— the universe, or multiverse, or whatever. You took Davenport, and you took  _ you,  _ and Barry, and Merle, and— Magnus, and you took Lup. You took  _ Lup  _ from me, you took my  _ memories  _ of my own  _ sister  _ from me.” Taako can feel furious heat building up behind his eyes, burning him, prickling at his nose, but he rolls on, because nobody’s let him get this out before, and now it’s pouring from him, a tempest.

“You took my whole life away when you took Lup,” Taako tells her. “And taking her, and— and taking Magnus? Are you  _ fucking  _ kidding me? They’re  _ all I have.  _ And you fucking— Just took that away. Just, took my memories, took them away, and  _ they  _ all got to have nice fucking lives. You gave Merle a nice fucking little dwarf family, and you gave Magnus a town a— and Julia, and then there’s me.”

“You,” Lucretia says. “You always wanted to be loved.”

“I  _ was  _ loved,” Taako says, firmly, and the tears spill over onto his hot cheeks. “I  _ was loved,  _ Lucretia. I had a family. Fucking—  _ You  _ were my family. Why would you do that?”

“I thought it was best,” Lucretia says, and she’s crying, too, and Taako bitterly thinks,  _ Good,  _ thinks,  _ You should cry if I do.  _ “It was the only— Taako, it was the only plan I had. It was the only plan that made sense.”

Taako shakes his head. “It wasn’t,” he says.

Lucretia’s silent for a long, long moment, just sitting there, no words, tears streaming down her face. Then, she says, “I know that. I know that now. I didn’t— I was so blinded by what I thought was right, I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“You should’ve talked to us,” Taako says. “Anyone. Lup, or— or Magnus? You know they would’ve listened. You  _ know  _ they would’ve. We could’ve helped you.”

“I didn’t think so,” Lucretia tells him. “Not then.”

“You were wrong.”

“I know,” Lucretia says, and her voice breaks. “God, you don’t think I know that? I’m so— I’m so sorry. Once— Once we finished the Hunger, and I realized what I’d done, I couldn’t— Taako,” she says, “you can’t hate me more than I hate myself.”

Taako stares at her. She keeps crying, openly just sobbing, hands pressed to her face. He can feel that tears are still streaming down his own face, but he’s not sure if it counts as crying, because he’s silent. His three children are silent, too, staring at the two of them on the couch.

“I don’t hate you,” Taako says. Lucretia lowers her hands to look at him. “I fucking— I’ve never been so mad at someone, not like this. I hate what you did to me, and I hate what you— what you made me, I hate who _ I _ am because of what you did, but I don’t hate  _ you,  _ even if I want to, sometimes.”

Lucretia blinks at him, still crying. It feels wrong, watching her cry like this. It’s like seeing her two selves, the two versions of her Taako knows, mesh into one, and it’s disorienting.

“I loved you,” Taako tells her. “That’s what makes it so much fucking worse. I thought— I thought you loved me the same way. Maybe you do, I don’t know. But you—” Taako takes a second, then says, “How could you leave me alone? You  _ knew—”  _ He stops, because he almost chokes.

“I gave you everyone,” Lucretia says. “Everyone loved you, Taako. You had an audience, and you could cook wherever you wanted.”

“An audience isn’t a family,” Taako tells her. She should fucking  _ know  _ that, he shouldn’t have to say it. “I just— Like, shit, yeah, it’s cool, it’s fun, I liked cooking and giving people my food and everyone who’d come and— and give me attention, watch my show, that was my shit. I loved it. But I was— Do you get it? You left me  _ alone.  _ You ripped my brain to shreds and dropped me in a fucking caravan in the woods,  _ alone,  _ without anyone. Nobody to remember, nobody with me, nobody but myself, forever. My whole life, just me. Lucretia, that’s my worst fucking nightmare, and you made it come true, and the worst part was, I didn’t even  _ know.  _ I didn’t  _ know  _ I could be anything else, I just— My whole life had become my worst  _ fucking nightmare,  _ and I didn’t have anything different.”

Lucretia’s crying has stopped, and she’s just staring at Taako, listening with the intense stare she always used to get when he’d tell her something and she was processing it as he spoke. He used to love it, loved being listened to. He’s glad she’s paying attention, and hates the mixed feelings that come with seeing her do it.

“Do you know what happened to me?” Taako asks. “Since I was— just fucking worthless, just figured I was some gutter trash, always lived alone? I just tried to look out for myself, didn’t know anything else, and I— I just didn’t want to be lonely anymore.”

“Taako,” Lucretia says. “What’d you do?”

“What did  _ I  _ do?” Taako asks. “Fuck, actually, it  _ wasn’t  _ me this time. Shocker, I know, but this one’s not on Taako, this one’s on someone else. Fucking— I’m surprised nobody told you. You never heard about Sazed?”

“Oh,” Lucretia says, and it’s a soft little sound, and Taako thinks,  _ Yeah, she knows.  _ “I heard about your pardon, I’m— I’m so sorry. I know— Glamour Springs must’ve been hard for you.”

“Yeah, it was,” Taako says. “So were the fucking years that came before where I just tried to keep my show going while Sazed made my life a living hell, and I never left him because I— I was afraid nobody else would have me, and, fucking  _ surprise surprise,  _ nobody else  _ would,  _ because he tried to murder me and I had to go into hiding until—”

Until. Well, until he met Magnus and Merle again, but he thought for the first time. Until he got a job that landed him right back with Lucretia, only he didn’t know it. A lifetime of loneliness, a decade of fear and isolation. A solitary life for the one person on their crew who couldn’t stand to be in a room on the Starblaster alone for more than two minutes. Insane.

“Until the Bureau,” Lucretia says. Taako nods. “I didn’t know.”

“Yeah,” Taako says. It’s easier, somehow, that she didn’t know. If she’d known, Taako would’ve probably snapped. If she’d let him live that life, knowing what was happening to him? Someone he considered to be family?  _ Hell  _ no.

“Do you feel better?” Lucretia asks. Taako doesn’t know  _ what  _ he feels, except empty. He wipes at his face, and Wyatt makes a little snuffling sound, sad. Taako leans over and lifts him up, holds him to his chest and just keeps him there, grounding himself with the heat and weight of him. Wyatt reaches up and gets his hands in his hair, holds himself there, and Taako exhales, a wet, wavering sound.

“I don’t know,” Taako says. “I don’t know if anything’ll make me feel better about this, to be quite fucking honest with you.”

Lucretia’s quiet again. Jules knocks a couple of her blocks together, and Blaine laughs softly at it. Taako buries his face in his son’s hair and tries not to think, but it doesn’t work.

“I did what I thought was best,” she says. Taako lets her talk, because Magnus told him to let her speak her piece, so, whatever. “I know now that it was wrong, but at the time, it was the only thing I could think of to do. All of you were suffering so,  _ so  _ much. And once Lup left— I couldn’t stand to see what that did to you, and to Barry. And our artifacts— We were destroying everything. I didn’t see another way out, and I did what I had to do. What I thought I had to do. I know— I  _ know  _ I made the wrong decision, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.” She looks at him. Taako turns his face, looks back at her, cheek pressed against the top of Wyatt’s head. “You shouldn’t have to, too.”

“Too late,” Taako says. Lucretia huffs a half-laugh, and Taako almost smiles at it. He doesn’t, though.

“I made a mistake,” Lucretia says. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to all of you, if I have to. I want to make it up to you, I want to fix this. I just— I can’t change what I did. I did what I thought was best. I thought I was making the hard decision for us.”

“That’s just it,” Taako says, because it clicks when she says those words. “You made the decision  _ for  _ me.”

He doesn’t say anything else. She looks back at him.

“I’m so sorry, Taako,” she tells him. “I’m so sorry. But I can’t take it back. I can’t do things differently. It’s my— It’s really my greatest regret. I can’t fix what I did, but I can fix what I’m doing now. I want us— You’re still my family, Taako. I don’t want to lose you.”

Taako stares at her, at her face. He wonders if he would’ve done the same thing in her place, and comes to the conclusion that he wouldn’t’ve, because he would’ve asked for Lup’s help, at least. But he’s made plenty of his own mistakes, too. Never something like this, but enough in his long,  _ long  _ lifetime.

“I don’t think I can ever forgive you,” Taako says. Lucretia nods. “I’m— Well, I’m not sorry, but I just can’t. I can’t trust you, really, either. But I—” Taako looks away again, lifts his head and watches Wyatt. Wyatt watches him back. “I don’t hate you. I mean that. I love you. And you mean a lot to everyone, and they all miss you.” Taako shrugs a little. “I miss you, I guess. Who we were. Can’t really get that back, but— I mean, I don’t know. I got kids now and shit. Got a whole fucking life. I always thought you’d be in it, if we made it out. Be fucked up if you weren’t.”

Lucretia’s crying again, but she looks like a flower blooming while she does it. Her whole body language opens up, shoulders squaring, back straightening, arms falling aside, face lighting and warming and changing. Taako almost recognizes her.

“It’s gonna be hard,” Taako says. “And I’m gonna be mad. But I—” He stops, because it’s fucking  _ hard,  _ he’s horrible with words and bad at expressing anything honestly but he knows he  _ has  _ to, so he forces it out. “I want to try. To make this work. Try harder, anyways. I don’t want— This. I want better than this.”

“Okay,” Lucretia says. “Okay, we can do that.” She looks directly at him, then looks around the room a little bit. “What’re we gonna do first?”

Taako does smile, a little bit, at that. He hates it, but he does. It’s so  _ her,  _ to just decide, yes, we’re going to do this, let’s start right now, let’s fix this together.

“You can help me start dinner,” Taako says. “It’s an all-day process, I’m working on some meat and it needs time to cook and steam and shit. You game for that?”

“I can do that,” Lucretia says. “Taako, thank—”

“Don’t,” Taako says. “We hashed it all out, it’s good, all that’s out in the open and I’m pissed and I’m gonna be pissed, but we don’t have to talk about it anymore. Let’s just— We’ll fucking talk about something else. You see my kids? Cute kids, right?”

Lucretia huffs a laugh, smiling. She looks down at Wyatt. “He is cute. Seems smart.”

“Smarter than we can handle, sometimes,” Taako tells her. Jules squeals again, and Lucretia gets up to lift her. Jules rests her head on Lucretia’s shoulder and reaches up for her earring again.

“They look so much like Magnus,” Lucretia says. “Never thought I’d— Well, I thought, maybe, with— Um. Well—”

“You’re so fucking bad at this,” Taako said. Lucretia’s cheeks darken, and she looks away. “Well, guess the whole  _ not talking about it  _ thing is off the table, whatever. Just say whatever and I’ll yell at you for it and we’ll keep going, probably for the best.”

“I thought maybe he’d have kids with Julia,” Lucretia finishes. Taako’s chest aches.

“Yeah, so did he,” Taako says. “Too bad, got stuck with me instead. Tried everything to stop that from happening, didn’t you, Luce?”

“That wasn’t why,” Lucretia tells him. Taako gets up and heads for the kitchen, puts Wyatt in his high chair and goes for the freezer to get the meat out. “It was— If you’d known each other before, then,  _ maybe—” _

“Yeah, didn’t quite work out,” Taako says. “Damn shame. Missed out on a lot of valuable time. Humans don’t have that much.”

Lucretia’s quiet. Taako looks down at his hands on the kitchen counter, where he’s white-knuckling the edge. He forces himself to let go.

“Oh, well,” Taako says. “Fuck it. Get my garlic out of the cabinet, why’re you just standing there, you said you were gonna help with dinner.”

Lucretia goes, moving to search through cabinets for ingredients as Taako lists them, holding Jules in one arm as she goes. They pass the day this way, Lucretia slipping up more than once and saying something her expression says she regrets almost instantly, Taako shooting back some open barb about it that he’s been keeping in for months— actually,  _ years,  _ now.

He’s right, he realizes. Humans don’t have much time, and the Lucretia in front of him isn’t the Lucretia he knew, and he has less time with her than he ever anticipated. Time creeps for him and speeds for her, and someday he’ll lose her, and he’s not ready for that, not yet.

Magnus gets home early, says school let out early for good behavior, which is a bullshit excuse but it’s just so  _ Magnus _ that Taako doesn’t comment. Magnus fills the room with good humor and noise, swinging Blaine above his head and making her shriek with laughter, tucking Lucretia under his arm and giving her a noogie. He comes up behind Taako and sweeps him up and around, lifts him off the ground and grins right in his face.

“How’d it go?” he asks, in a low voice. Lucretia isn’t even close enough to hear, but Taako appreciates the attempt at discretion.

“Pretty fucking dismal,” Taako tells him. “I let a lot out.”

“Ouch,” Magnus says. “How’d she take it?”

Taako glances at her, then back to Magnus. “Better than I thought.”

“You two gonna be okay?” Magnus asks. Taako shrugs, as best as he can while Magnus is holding him like this.

“I don’t know,” Taako says. Magnus puts him on the ground, and Taako straightens out his shirt. “I just know that I am fucking  _ done  _ wasting anymore time.”

Magnus grins at him, kisses him hard on the forehead and then tries to steal food from his plates. Taako slaps his hand away, Lucretia scolds him good-naturedly, and Taako’s still pissed but maybe, someday, he’ll be a  _ little  _ less pissed, and that’s all he’s working towards right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do y'all wanna see for the next chapter? Drop me a comment and let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably be adding more chapters to this, so watch this space!
> 
> I also actually wrote two books! It was a long road but, I did it! Ta-da! If you want to read either of them, shoot me a message!
> 
> I have a blog now to request imagines - I just like to make people happy. Submit requests [here!](https://imagine-in-the-fandoms.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> You can follow me on Twitter at [@nicolelianesolo](https://twitter.com/nicoIodeon) or on Tumblr at [andillwriteyouatragedy](http://andillwriteyouatragedy.tumblr.com/).


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